Gratitude

Things haven’t been fantastic over here lately.

The last couple of days I’ve been feeling particularly down. The pain in my pelvis, legs and back isn’t getting any better, and it’s making things increasingly difficult. Having always been fiercely independent, it’s hard to learn to rely more on others for things I could usually do for myself. I know this won’t be forever, but rather than allow myself to be pulled into self-pity, I’ve decided to focus on the things that I am thankful for.

First and foremost, my faith. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and my testimony has brought about such a monumental change in my life. It will be three years in October that I was baptised and although it has been a somewhat difficult road at times (a story for another day), it has been more than worth it. I wouldn’t be who – or where – I am today if it wasn’t for my faith.

My parents. My goodness, we’ve been through so much together. A lot of which I’m sorry to say has been completely my fault. I had some incredibly difficult teenage years and must have driven them to despair time and time again, but they have always been there for me. They have always stood by me, and always believed in me. Especially when I didn’t have the strength or even the inclination to fight for myself, they stood in and fought for me.
My Mother has been to hell and back on my behalf and she is such an unbelievably strong, passionate, independent woman with an unyielding supply of love for her family. She inspires me. The bond between her and my Father has only grown stronger over the years and despite their differences and the struggles they’ve had as a couple, I know she would do anything for him, and vice versa.
My Dad has always been the strong, silent type. He is a “man’s man”, ever the joker and always looking to lighten any situation with a laugh and a smile. Although he doesn’t often give voice to his emotions, he leaves no doubt of his feelings for those close to him. He loves my Mother more than I think even she realises, and I know he would be lost without her, although he would be hard pressed to say it out loud. He is a wonderfully generous, kind man and although I joke about it, I’m happy to have found a man just like him in nature.

Which brings me to…

My husband, Shaun. I cannot begin to describe just how much of a better person I have become for knowing and loving him. I am more selfless, more caring, more loving, patient and just simply better. He has made me realise what is really important in life, and inspired me to reach for those things. He has taught me what love really is, and how it works. He is my best friend, my sparring partner, my confidant, and always knows how to handle my somewhat scatty personality unlike anyone I’ve met. He’s seen me at my worst and still tells me I’m the most beautiful woman he knows. He spurs me on spiritually, and helps me to grow in the gospel by being a wonderful example of steadfastness and strength. He has blessed me in so many ways…

One of which is our son, who will be with us in November.
Although this pregnancy isn’t as straightforward as it could be, I am still so grateful and feel very privileged to have the opportunity to bring our little one into this world. I am so looking forward to meeting him, and I can’t help wondering what he will be like – his personality, his spirit, his looks, his mind… I am looking forward to my new role as “Mother”, as scary as it might be at first, and am in constant awe at this little miracle happening inside me. I spend hours reading about his development, and marvel at how so much can happen in so little time. He makes me grateful for all the changes that have had to happen to me, mentally, to prepare for this. If he had come along any sooner, I wouldn’t have been ready, no matter how much I may have tried to convince myself otherwise. It reminds me that although I might like to think so a lot of the time, when it comes down to it it’s not me that’s in the driving seat, and there’s a strange sort of comfort in that.